Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!!! 💝 I hope whether you’re taken, single (by choice or circumstances), or involved in an “it’s complicated” dynamic, that you have an utterly fantabulous day filled with roses, chocolate, and your favorite romcoms!! (If you’re not a fan of romantic comedies, may I suggest The Rocky Horror Picture Show, or That Movie Where the Kid Saves the Orca.)
Valentine’s Day seems to be one of those commercialized affairs that contributes to both fomo (if you’re a single pringle) and the societal pressure to buy junk (if you’re in a relationship.) I’ve always wondered why THIS particular saint managed to saturate the mainstream market with his own Hallmark Holiday. A cursory search of Wikipedia tells me:
“Saint Valentine (Italian: San Valentino, Latin: Valentinus), known as Saint Valentine of Rome, was a 3rd-century Roman saint, commemorated in Western Christianity on February 14 and in Eastern Orthodoxy on July 6. From the High Middle Ages his Saints’ Day has been associated with a tradition of courtly love. He is also a patron saint of epilepsy.”
Now, saints fascinate me (and I’m not talking about the New Orleans NFL team): it always struck me as cool that God has open auditions for Planeteers, each with their own specialty and symbolism. I’m not trying to offend any religious readers…if I have, I’m sorry. I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness, and they don’t have saints (or holidays or the promise of Heaven or soup kitchens or Sunday school or…well, joy of any kind, really), and I’m curious about all the different facets of human belief, particularly celebrations that originated in religion but morphed into secular/cultural holidays…like Valentine’s.
In my half-assed “research” (consisting of a vodka-buzz Google search on Valentine’s Eve), I found out from an informative article on History.com that Valentine’s Day might actually be based on more than one Mr. Valentine, as “Valentine” was such a common moniker in Rome that “are at least 50 stories of different saints by that name.” The most prominent two stories both feature a guy named Valentine who was beheaded on February 14th after illicit service to the Church, and it’s all Chaucer’s fault that Valentine’s Day is a blip on mainstream culture’s radar. According to this Lithub article: “The earliest known suggestion that Valentine’s Day was a day for lovers comes from Geoffrey Chaucer’s 14th-century poem ‘The Parliament of Fowls,’ in which ‘Seynt Valentynes day’ is the day ‘whan every foul cometh ther to chese his make’ (i.e., in case it’s been a long time since AP English, when birds come to choose their mates). Considering Chaucer was basically the equivalent of a Kardashian in his day, the people—starting with his friends, of course, notably poets Oton de Granson III and John Gower—followed his lead and began to use the feast of St. Valentine for their romantic purposes.” Also, “no fewer than three (3) different martyrs named Valentinus died on February 14th, all of them during a two-year period towards the end of the third century…the name was so popular that over 30 Valentines, not to mention ‘a few Valentinas,’ ultimately achieved sainthood.”
Lupercalia, a Roman holiday involving mass spirit-purging rituals, fertility rites, animal sacrifice, and, according to the Satanic Temple Houston blog, “orgies, BDSM, asexual awareness, bodily autonomy, and wolves,” was celebrated in mid-February. Some believe that the Church replaced Lupercalia with Valentine’s Day, but according to both Brittanica.com and Wikipedia, that’s probably not true.
No matter the origins of Valentine’s Day, it remains a multi-billion dollar event and an inherently bimbo-ish holiday, where you don red and/or pink while your man wines and dines you and gives you chocolates and flowers and sparkly things.
My favorite Valentine’s Day ritual, though? Watching The Simpsons season 4 episode 15, “I Love Lisa.” It’s on Disney+. You should go watch it right now.
xoxoxo
